Love (TM)

We regret to inform the public
Love (TM) will no longer be available
in easy-to-swallow capsules,
with our patented time-released formula
and strict dosage developed to prevent
unhealthy Love dependencies.

Too many distasteful side effects
have unfortunately been noted
including:
dizziness
vertigo
loss of appetite
insomnia
bad teeth and
the bends.

Patients remarked that
after a short course they
were unable to manufacture Love
for themselves, instead
relying upon upon our drug which,
though scientifically proven and
awarded hundreds of prizes,
still left them feeling numb
and warmthless only minutes
after consumption.

It is a lamentable state of affairs
when a respected company (such as ours)
must remove from the pharmaceutical market
such a rewarding product
leaving former users to find Love in its
notoriously haphazard way. Sufferers
may seek it out in fleeting conversations
with strangely adorable people – a most
dangerous tactic, we hasten to warn –
or with their families (riddled with problems),
their friends (clearly self-interested),
or simply the unending life flow which
cannot be quanitified and, sad to say,
leads only to loss of ambition.

We advise, therefore, a steady course
of earthly wealth collection,
building figures in your bank balance
and persona in your head,
from a safe, comfortable home and
a dependable career
to the accrual of esteem in
other people’s reverent eyes, not
forgetting the knowledge that one’s worth
is built of countless tiny triumphs
one can rifle through like cash
when the Love (TM) thirst bites.

It is not, under any circumstances,
advisable to try giving your Love
away, especially not to people who
won’t give any of it back! Remember –
Love is like a cake: it’s all about how much
you get. The one who baked it for you,
kind as they might be, is nonetheless
irrelevant.

Please follow these instructions
to the letter, if you wish to survive
the tremendous withdrawal effects
of giving up your course of Love (TM).
There are as yet no studies into
the dangers of this ordeal.
It is a leap from the top of a
misty cliff, believing, dear clients,
you’ll turn to birds and
fly away undaunted.

We, on the other hand,
would like to state
we take no responsability
for your post-Love (TM) fates.
If there are any doubts
about this matter
please contact us
via our lawyers.

Thankyou.

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